anniversaries

Today would have been mine and my exhusband's 10th anniversary. No I don't really celebrate it still but ... we were only divorced a year and a month before he passed away. Course the other thing is we got along BETTER after we divorced than while we were married. And when he got sick he was living with me. I was with him every day while he was sick and even held his hand and watched as he took his last breath. We got along better and were more in love when he died than the whole time we were married. All the things that were bothering us before we actually had a chance to talk about. He knew he was not going to make it long and I knew it and we got everything out in the open. Even before we divorced we could talk easily but not NEARLY as easily as after he found out his kidney's were failing. I'll be honest I wasn't the best wife I could have been. On the other hand he wasn't the best husband he could have been either.

I know now that I lost a VERY good friend and lover when he passed away. Even though he's been gone a little over two years now there are still times I miss him. I'm happy where I am with another but I'll hear a song or smell the same kind of cologne he used to wear and this ache in my heart HURTS. Terry and I don't dance, never have and probably never will. I think that's the single biggest thing I miss about Gary. That and talking to him. I loved to listen to his voice (if only I had a recording now). But when we danced... it was like no one else in the world was there. Most of the time we would either two step, sometimes waltz though I wasn't all that great at it or line dance. When we started dancing I had two left feet. When we met he told me if I was going to be with him I better learn to dance. I'm pretty good at it now I must say. I can even still remember most of the dance steps. in fact, the other day a song came on and I did the same dance we used to do quite a bit together. Now if I could only get Terry to do the dance with me but since he doesn't like country music I don't see that happening.